That’s Not Me…

ImageBeing out of work right now I have a lot of time to stare at the stuff in my house. One being my closet and I have come to realize that half the clothes aren’t me. They are these clothes that I have bought through the years that I thought I was supposed to be wearing as a mom and wife. Lot of girly stuff. And colorful. I hate colorful! And prints, what the hell is that stuff. It just isn’t me. A few weeks back I went to the local thrift store to see if I could find my style, prices fit my budget there. Being that I live by myself for the first time in my life I have been searching for the past six years for who I am. Who is the real me? Besides being a mom and grandma, who am I? What do I like? I mean, what do I really like? Without other people in the equation and opinions of others to cloud my choices, what do I like?

So I decided to start with clothing, besides figuring out that I am a lesbian. I have always loved men’s clothing because it is so comfy, but there was always more to it and now I know what that is. I am not a girly girl. Yeah every once in a while I will do the hair and make up and wear a push bra (torture devices), but really, give me jeans, a shirt like the one below and my sneakers and I am one happy girl. I love this shirt….ImageI love retro/60’s/mod shirts. I don’t know what they are technically called. At the thrift store I found a couple of shirts that were really similar to this and snatched them up so quick and they were half off the already crazy low price that day, so I was super jazzed. I even found a couple of sweaters and button up plaid shirts. Plaid good, prints bad. Especially prints that include flowers. Yuck!! As for pants, jeans, sweats, regular run of the mill pants. Nothing special just so they are comfy. Shoes….these…..

ImageI have these exact shoes, but they have a hint of pink on them. I love them! Or some sort of slip on clog thing. I own tons of them. Easy to slip on and run to 7-11 real quick. And being out of work right now, slippers. A lot of slippers. 🙂

To get dressed up, those shoes will still be involved and a pair of black pants and a mans dress shirt with a tie. That is awesome to me. And this fantastic black double breasted wool pea coat that I have, oh how I love that coat. That to me looks good and when I am wearing it I feel amazing. Like this confidence washes over me and I walk with my head held high. I never felt like clothing defined me or had an effect on me, but since I am dressing the way I want to dress, it’s this amazing feeling. The only way to explain it is confidence. Like I am some peacock strutting my feathers for the first time in my life. Yeah, I am a woman and I love wearing men’s clothing. Doesn’t make me a guy, I am 100% a woman and I don’t want to change it. I just know that I like the way I look now and how happy it makes me to finally be wearing what I want to wear and not what I am supposed to be wearing.

The clothes are new….the inner me is new. But, really all of it is old. Because it’s always been with me I just wasn’t listening to me.

Brain just shut down so must be time to wrap this up.

Hope everyone had a great day! Much love to you all. 🙂