To My Future Wife…

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Good Morning Sweetheart,

 

I rolled over this morning to see your beautiful face laying on the pillow next to me. The morning sun was starting to shine on your beautiful face. You stirred slightly and I held my breath hoping you wouldn’t wake. I just wanted to lay there a little longer and see the sweet calm on your face and to see the beauty that I see there.

I desperately wanted to reach out and touch your soft, warm cheek but I knew that would end the moment of watching you sleep. How that skin begs me to touch it. To feel my lips on yours was making me breath harder so I took a deep breath and prayed the urge would pass. This was a moment to revel in your beauty.

I felt a lump build in my throat because the love I felt for you at that moment was building in my heart and I felt like my heart grew with every breath you took.

Deep in your world of slumber your hand reached out for mine and found it quickly. The minute that your hand touched my skin it was all over. A tear fell to the pillow.

You stirred again but this time no matter how much I held my breath you were waking. You opened your eyes slightly and when our eyes met, you smiled. I was already smiling and I felt such love between us that I had to kiss you in that exact moment.

I cupped your face ever so gently and kissed you passionately but ever so softly. Whispering softly… Good Morning baby, I love you.

This is how I want everyday for the rest of my life to start. Seeing your beautiful face laying next to me, kissing you softly, and telling you I love you.

 

Love always,

Your wife for life

Marriage

I have always been one of those people that when asked will I ever get married I said NO! Though I was married for almost 20 years, before that I said no. After that I said NO! It was even a bigger no then. It never appealed to me. It was never in the picture of how my life would go.

The other day my daughter, Bona, and I were out to lunch and she asked me…Would you ever get married? And it popped out. Yes! Would love to actually. Image

I think it’s because now I can see walking down the aisle to the person that I always felt it should be. Not that I consciously thought or felt it should be a woman. But, it was like my heart knew that it should be. It’s almost like my mind is catching up with the rest of my heart and body. Like it was ingrained in to who I am, but I didn’t even know it. Does that makes sense? 

Now I have this fantasy playing in my head of what it will look like. Beautiful setting outside in the woods. Warm but a light breeze. White flowers everywhere. Me and my future wife standing there in all white…not sure about the dress part, was never a fan! Professing our love to each other. The world has disappeared and it is just us.

 

And then have a barbecue. Because I don’t want anything formal when it comes to the reception.

Anyways….I have never had these ideals of what my wedding would look like, till now! All the other little girls were dreaming about their wedding day and really it never entered my mind. I didn’t have a big wedding with C. It was in Vegas, it was special, but not like I imagine it now. I want it all now.

It still so strange to me. It’s like someone has come up to me and introduced me to me.

“Hi, I would like you to meet someone. You, she’s gay!”

“Really, I had no idea.”

Have to love those conversations in my head!

So, yes I can definitely see getting married and having kind of a big wedding with all the bells and whistles.

Just know….that’s going to be a while. I totally believe in dating someone for at least a year before that even enters the conversation. I want to know that it is for real and can stand the test of time before I say “I do.”.

But, is it too soon to start a Pintrest Board for it?

Yes!

Damn!

*****

So when you realized and accepted that you were gay or straight, whatever works for you, did it change any of your original plans for your life? Or your ideals about yourself?