To My Future Wife…

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Good Morning Sweetheart,

 

I rolled over this morning to see your beautiful face laying on the pillow next to me. The morning sun was starting to shine on your beautiful face. You stirred slightly and I held my breath hoping you wouldn’t wake. I just wanted to lay there a little longer and see the sweet calm on your face and to see the beauty that I see there.

I desperately wanted to reach out and touch your soft, warm cheek but I knew that would end the moment of watching you sleep. How that skin begs me to touch it. To feel my lips on yours was making me breath harder so I took a deep breath and prayed the urge would pass. This was a moment to revel in your beauty.

I felt a lump build in my throat because the love I felt for you at that moment was building in my heart and I felt like my heart grew with every breath you took.

Deep in your world of slumber your hand reached out for mine and found it quickly. The minute that your hand touched my skin it was all over. A tear fell to the pillow.

You stirred again but this time no matter how much I held my breath you were waking. You opened your eyes slightly and when our eyes met, you smiled. I was already smiling and I felt such love between us that I had to kiss you in that exact moment.

I cupped your face ever so gently and kissed you passionately but ever so softly. Whispering softly… Good Morning baby, I love you.

This is how I want everyday for the rest of my life to start. Seeing your beautiful face laying next to me, kissing you softly, and telling you I love you.

 

Love always,

Your wife for life

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Into The Mystic – Van Morrison

The first time I heard this song was actually in the movie called “Immediate Family”. Eighties movie that starred Glenn Close (Linda), James Woods (Michael), Mary Stuart Masterson (Lucy), and Kevin Dillon (Sam).

Synopsis of the movie is that Linda and Michael want to adopt a baby and Lucy is a teenage girl who is pregnant by Sam. They start the process of adoption and things don’t go the way they planned.

There is a scene where Lucy is visiting Linda at their home and I can’t remember exactly, it’s been years since I’ve seen it. But, “Into The Mystic” comes on and Lucy and Linda dance in the living room together.

It was a movie that me and my girls used to watch together and that song became “our” song. Whenever we hear it we kind of give each other a knowing look. Usually they look at me with a “no, mom, please don’t”. Because every time I hear it and they are near I make them get up and dance with me. We would dance together and though they acted like they hated it, I think deep down they kind of liked it. It was a special moment that we shared and I truly appreciate those moments.

As for the song itself. Van Morrison was a true singer/songwriter that gave his soul to the music. You could tell by his voice that his physical being was a part of the song. Like he didn’t leave anything out. This song is no exception. It drew me in and made me envision sailing on a boat under the warm sun going home to my loved ones. One of the few songs that I will close my eyes and just listen to.

I hope you will enjoy this song. And when it’s playing, grab a loved one and dance together. Make a special moment. Even if they act like they don’t want to it will still make a memory.

After your are finished dancing :), share in the comments what song holds a special memory in your heart and why?

I want a woman….

I hear a lot of woman talking about what they want a future significant other to do for them.

  • I want a woman who will shower me in flowers.
  • I want a woman who will take me out on the town.
  • I want a woman who will kiss me passionately.

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And every time I hear it, I think…Would you do that?

  • Would you shower them in flowers?
  • Would you take them out on the town?
  • Would you kiss them passionately?

 

Most of them probably would. But, wouldn’t it be better to focus on what you would do for them? I try to think of the things that I will do for my future girlfriend. Not what I want them to do for me. To me that is taking an active participation in the relationship, not sitting back and waiting for things to happen. I can’t control how someone is going to love me but I can control how I will love someone. I wouldn’t want them questioning if I love them or not and am going to do everything I can imagine to make sure they never do. Yes, I want to shower my girlfriend/wife in flowers. I want to take them out on the town for a romantic dinner and a walk on the beach. I want to kiss them passionately that they feel it in their toes. I want to walk up behind them and wrap my arms around them just to show them that I wanted to feel them close and to know I was thinking of them at that exact moment.

If I have these ideals of what I want them to do, I may be setting myself up for disappointment. People can’t read minds so how are they going to know that you want these things. You tell them? Doesn’t that then take away the spark of it. That is also writing a script for the relationship, what fun is there in that? There has to be spontaneity in a relationship. That is how you make those special moments that will last a lifetime. When you two are old and grey and rocking in your chairs on the porch, those are the moments that you will look back on remember fondly. Not the moments that you scripted out in your mind before they happened. 

Sure we all these little fantasies in our minds of how we want our wedding day to look. What we want the first kiss to be like. How we fall asleep next to the love of our life every night. I am not saying don’t think about these things. Just give equal time to what you are going to do for the love of your life. Plan out now what you will do for the love of your life before you meet them, not set up a round of hoops they have to jump through from the get go.

 

So, what is the one thing that you want to do for the love of your life? Be it you already have them or haven’t found them yet, what are you going to do for them to show them you love them?

Settle….

I have spent my whole life settling.

I have settled for less than stellar love because it is all the other person was willing or capable of giving.

I have settled for friendships that were all about what I could give them and less about what they gave me.

I have settled for men when it came to love because I was too afraid to be who I really was at the core.

I have said too many times “ok, I will take that one because someone else wants the other one more”, when in all actuality, I wanted the other one just as much.

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I have spent way too much of life not getting what I want just so someone else will have what they want. The big one being gay. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was gay because I didn’t want my family and friends to be upset and/or angry.

I put everyone else happiness before my own. Why do I do this? It’s not like I don’t want to be happy, I totally do. Maybe it’s because I don’t want the fight or the hassle of it if they don’t agree with my definition of happiness for myself.

And I truly believe that everyone takes this as I don’t know what I want. So they tend to question everything I tell them. I know when I do come out to my parents that my mom will say…it’s just a phase. You don’t know what you want because you lost C (late hubby). You are still in mourning. After six years, I don’t think so. Though some people could be, I’m not.

Even when I told a few people they said…”are you sure?”. You sure you aren’t confused. And the thing of it is most of these people don’t really know me. They know me as much as they have chosen to get to know me, which usually isn’t much. I don’t have people/friends ask me how I am doing or any questions for that fact. The only things people know about me is because I have told them and not because they asked and genuinely wanted to know. I don’t know maybe I’m invisible. They don’t see me so how can they know what I want or need in my life.

It’s always been about what the other person wants and needs. They need to talk about A or B or C…or the whole F’in alphabet.

Well I am not settling anymore. I want friends and lovers….preferably one lover…that sees me for me. That when I haven’t seen them in a few days they show up at my door and say, I’ve missed you and wanted to see you. I won’t be an after thought anymore. Oh yeah where’s Julia? We should go see her, haven’t seen her in weeks. Oh yeah, she moved to Mars! She left your sorry ass in the dust because you could careless whether or not she was there.

I am constantly reaching out to people, whether it be through a phone call, or text (we all know how I feel about that one), or even just through a message on Facebook. I want the other person to know that I care about them and no matter what I will be there for them. But, I also would like the same in return.

I think as humans we spend too much time caring about the stupid stuff and not putting ourselves out there. We are too much about what the other person would think and less on doing what our heart is telling us to do.

If I love and care for you, you are going to know it. I love to do those simple little things for people. I’m an artist and I love to make little gifts for people. I will hear almost in passing that they love…..I don’t know….ummm…unicorns (which I don’t get), but I will make them a little polymer clay unicorn. Or I will find an awesome unicorn at the store and think, oh wow so and so would love that, to which I will buy for them and give it to them. Then they tend to pull away from me, I don’t know why. I think that they think I have fallen in love with them or something…F if I know. Dude, I was just being nice and I was being a friend. Tell me that this isn’t what friendships are about or in the least what they are supposed to be about. We are supposed to support and love them and try to make them happy, even if it’s just with a small simple gift. Then I walk away feeling like something is wrong with me, when I have realized lately that it is something wrong with them. Do people really not know how to accept a gift anymore, without it becoming more than it is? I WAS JUST BEING NICE!! Wasn’t that in a movie? Hmmmm.

So, with this rant. LOL I am not settling anymore. You either give me the love I deserve or go give it to some ass wipe down the street that is ok with your half-assed attempt. Because I am not anymore! Merry Christmas and have a nice day!!!

P.S. I’m not bitter, really I’m not. Maybe a little…but not a lot. 🙂