The lovely Arielle Scarcella!

Welcome to the world of Arielle!

She is so funny and really puts herself out there. Sometimes in a bra, but I like it. 😛 She does a lot of collaborations with other YouTubers, as in this one with Hart. She covers a lot of gay and lesbian issues in a very funny way, but definitely gets her point across.

Please show her some love and subscribe!

She also has her Girlfriends channel, http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLHH5WcsbW30H-kVtZfkDtQ, where she just covered gay marriage week. Talking to gay couples that are married or getting married. She just started where she centers on a new topic each week and puts out three videos for the week. So enough to feed my addiction. 😛

Hope you enjoy the video and have a great day! Much love to you all!!

That’s Not Me…

ImageBeing out of work right now I have a lot of time to stare at the stuff in my house. One being my closet and I have come to realize that half the clothes aren’t me. They are these clothes that I have bought through the years that I thought I was supposed to be wearing as a mom and wife. Lot of girly stuff. And colorful. I hate colorful! And prints, what the hell is that stuff. It just isn’t me. A few weeks back I went to the local thrift store to see if I could find my style, prices fit my budget there. Being that I live by myself for the first time in my life I have been searching for the past six years for who I am. Who is the real me? Besides being a mom and grandma, who am I? What do I like? I mean, what do I really like? Without other people in the equation and opinions of others to cloud my choices, what do I like?

So I decided to start with clothing, besides figuring out that I am a lesbian. I have always loved men’s clothing because it is so comfy, but there was always more to it and now I know what that is. I am not a girly girl. Yeah every once in a while I will do the hair and make up and wear a push bra (torture devices), but really, give me jeans, a shirt like the one below and my sneakers and I am one happy girl. I love this shirt….ImageI love retro/60’s/mod shirts. I don’t know what they are technically called. At the thrift store I found a couple of shirts that were really similar to this and snatched them up so quick and they were half off the already crazy low price that day, so I was super jazzed. I even found a couple of sweaters and button up plaid shirts. Plaid good, prints bad. Especially prints that include flowers. Yuck!! As for pants, jeans, sweats, regular run of the mill pants. Nothing special just so they are comfy. Shoes….these…..

ImageI have these exact shoes, but they have a hint of pink on them. I love them! Or some sort of slip on clog thing. I own tons of them. Easy to slip on and run to 7-11 real quick. And being out of work right now, slippers. A lot of slippers. 🙂

To get dressed up, those shoes will still be involved and a pair of black pants and a mans dress shirt with a tie. That is awesome to me. And this fantastic black double breasted wool pea coat that I have, oh how I love that coat. That to me looks good and when I am wearing it I feel amazing. Like this confidence washes over me and I walk with my head held high. I never felt like clothing defined me or had an effect on me, but since I am dressing the way I want to dress, it’s this amazing feeling. The only way to explain it is confidence. Like I am some peacock strutting my feathers for the first time in my life. Yeah, I am a woman and I love wearing men’s clothing. Doesn’t make me a guy, I am 100% a woman and I don’t want to change it. I just know that I like the way I look now and how happy it makes me to finally be wearing what I want to wear and not what I am supposed to be wearing.

The clothes are new….the inner me is new. But, really all of it is old. Because it’s always been with me I just wasn’t listening to me.

Brain just shut down so must be time to wrap this up.

Hope everyone had a great day! Much love to you all. 🙂

 

 

 

The one and only Michael Bublé.

The first time I saw Michael Bublé I was watching The Today Show, quite a few years back. He was on the show for Valentine’s Day and I instantly fell in love. He has an amazing voice that is so soulful and yet very playful. I have since bought every one of his cd’s, well more like downloads, and have never been disappointed. There isn’t one song that I have disliked.

I picked this song well because I haven’t met her yet, but when I do I will definitely give more than I get.

I am pretty sure a lot of you have heard of him but I wanted to give him a shout out just in case someone out there hasn’t heard of him yet. He is definitely one singer that should be in every ones collection, at least in my opinion he should be.

I hope you enjoy the video and download some of his music. I am sure you will find something of his that you will enjoy, if not all of it.

Have a wonderful day! Much love to you all. 🙂

Here’s the one and only Effi!

This one is out of the UK again.

She is absolutely hilarious and have to say totally adorable! Not only is she a vlogger but she is also blogger as well. I am constantly laughing during her videos and blogs. She likes to drink…..often. But, it is so funny.

I hope you enjoy this video and if you do please make sure you subscribe. Also give her blog a follow http://itsfemmeface.com/ you definitely won’t regret it.

Hope everyone in the US isn’t too full from yesterday and you weathered the craziness out there shopping if you chose to go out near a shopping center today. Which I did not. I went 7-11 this morning but that was it.

Later I am going Christmas tree shopping with Bona and the grandbaby. Will be her first time going tree shopping. I can’t wait. She will be adorable as always!

Thankfully no gay comments yesterday but found my mom with my iPad looking through the apps and I freaked the hell out, GIVE IT BACK NOW. Thankfully didn’t open my Word Press app or the tumblr., either one would have been really bad. 🙂

Have a great day and love to you all.

Julia

Holidays are here…

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It’s the holidays and that being said tomorrow here in the US it’s Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving. It really is a day about getting together with family and having a big ole feast. I usually start the day by calling my daughters and asking them why they are thankful this year. This was a tradition we started when they were both living at home. On our way to my moms or sisters house we would talk about what we are thankful for this year. So now that they don’t live at home I call them to continue the tradition.

Today I woke up and started thinking about what I am thankful for this year. I am thankful that I am finally me. I am my true self. Then it hit me.

Tomorrow I have to go back in the closet.

My girls know I’m a lesbian and completely support me. My mom, not so much. She is the woman that makes the comment constantly “I support people being gay, I just don’t want to see it.” It makes me cringe every time and I hear it often. There will be a moment tomorrow where she will make some sort of anti-gay comment and I will sit there and feel my insides being ripped out. Oh happy day! I’m used to it. Not that I am pleased by it, but I am used to it. I usually discount a lot of things she says because she is from a different time. That’s her life and the ideals of the times she grew up in. Though knowing my grandma she would probably slap her for it if she was still alive. I love my grandma!

I am not out to my parents, obviously, and it will probably be some time before I do come out to them, if ever. I don’t think my dad would say much. He usually doesn’t say a lot just rustles the newspaper he’s reading. My mom on the other hand will call every family member that she can and tell them I’m a lesbian. And not in a proud way. To put it bluntly, she will talk shit behind my back. How do I know that she will do that….because she has done it in the past. And she will lie to make herself sound more like an amazing person and me the piece of shit. Like when I decided to move out of their house at the age of 20. I said the weekend I was going to be moving out they would be out of town and I asked would you like me to wait a week that way you are home. And you can see your daughter off to live 5 miles away. For my girls I would want to be home. She said, no, go ahead, not a problem. Thought for years it wasn’t an issue. Then my sister in law and I were sitting and chatting and she brings it up. Supposedly my mom had called everyone and said that I didn’t tell them I was moving out and they came home to me being gone. WTF? This is my mom.

So if I was to come out to my mom, I am sure I will get bashed in some way and the family will think that I have lost my mind, or going through a phase like she tells everyone that is gay. Instead of thinking good for her I will be labeled the bad guy and there you have it.

My parents are the people that I will not be coming out to. I discussed it with Bona and she said, only come out to them when it’s necessary. Meaning once I find someone and mom invites me over for dinner and I want to bring my girlfriend then it’s time to come out. Or mom drops by my house and there is my girlfriend on the couch half-naked and looking amazing – okay that was a total fantasy, but it could happen. But there will be a situation that will come up, being that my parents live less than 10 miles from me, that I will have to let them know. But, right now – it’s not worth it. I don’t want to hear the bull shit. I don’t want to hear the judgement and the rumors that will make it back to me that my mother has spread.

So tomorrow I will take my ass back into the closet and sit quietly while I eat my amazing turkey dinner. Go home with some leftover turkey….ie come back out of the closet and enjoy a nice turkey sandwich being a lesbian. It will be the best damn turkey sandwich I have ever had. 🙂 Because all in all I am thankful that I know me now and I am proud to be a lesbian.

Here’s a couple of questions for you:

Do you have someone in your life that it just isn’t worth it to come out to?

And on a happier note, what are you thankful for even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow?

To my fellow Americans “Happy Thanksgiving and may it be one that is blessed with many laughs and smiles”

 

Have a question for you…

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To set this up…

At the local LGBT community center they have a dance for lesbians that happens about every three months. I went about six months ago and had a blast. I mentioned it in my very first post about the girl who asked me to dance a few times. So Saturday was another dance. I went again, of course. Me being me, I stood in the corner most of the night because I am shy. I really am shy, I swear I am. 🙂 There was a woman who came over and asked me to dance and I of course said yes. She had dimples and beautiful blue eyes….I’m not stupid, well maybe but that part is coming next. We danced to a few songs. She was getting close and grabbed my hand at one time and we were kind of dancing kind of swing, sort of. We were laughing and making eye contact and everything. She told me about this other dance that is every Thursday, it’s really fun. Country music and asked if I two step and I said I know the concept behind it but never actually done it. Went back to our individual tables. Then she came back a little bit later and said come one let’s dance and I was you bet. Again dancing and talking. Went back to our tables again. Then the dance was over and I stopped by her table to tell her thank you for the dance. And I left.

Now on to the stupid….or at least I think. Now the question.

I thought she was just being nice and felt sorry for me because I was standing by myself all night, but as I was driving home it kind of hit me.

Was it more than that?

Was she like hitting on me?

Was she interested?

OH FUDGE! (okay so I cleaned that up for you)

Did I screw up? Did I just miss an opportunity to get to know a beautiful woman better? Am I brain dead?

Maybe she was just being nice…maybe she wasn’t. I just don’t know when someone is hitting on me or when they are interested in me. Working as a parts driver in the past I dealt with men all day and I flirted with them because then they would be nicer and would buy more parts. Comes with the job and sometimes they would buy lunch. Free meal, hello! But, it was always known that it was nothing more than flirting so I think over time I became oblivious to it. Experienced it all day and it never affected me. Besides the fact that they were men. It was usually a hell of a lot more crude.

But, how do you know when someone is genuinely interested in you? Especially at a dance like this. You dance with people, that’s the point. Is it a given that when someone asks you to dance they are interested? We were making eye contact most of the night before she asked me to dance. Does that mean something? I look at everyone in the eyes at least once. People walk by and glance at me I will smile and make eye contact. Just a given. But, in this situation is it something different? I mean for me I was making eye contact because she was beautiful and dimples…..yummmm! I was interested.

This has had me perplexed since Saturday night. Mostly because how the hell am I ever going to find that special someone if I keep missing the signs that they are interested. I feel like I am standing in the middle of the freeway and all these cars (ie hot women) are flying by and I am like, oh shit traffic!

Yes, I can hear people saying…if I am interested then I should be approaching them. I mentioned I was shy, didn’t I? I know I did. I guess it’s the fear of rejection. Of course it’s the fear. How do you get past that? And since I am horrible at reading the signs, am I going to have to ask every girl for her number? I don’t know!!

 

So, I will bring all this rambling down to just one question, even though there is about a thousand in this post. 🙂

Should I have asked for her number?

 

Have a great day 🙂 Much love!

JustMe

To My Future Wife…

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Good Morning Sweetheart,

 

I rolled over this morning to see your beautiful face laying on the pillow next to me. The morning sun was starting to shine on your beautiful face. You stirred slightly and I held my breath hoping you wouldn’t wake. I just wanted to lay there a little longer and see the sweet calm on your face and to see the beauty that I see there.

I desperately wanted to reach out and touch your soft, warm cheek but I knew that would end the moment of watching you sleep. How that skin begs me to touch it. To feel my lips on yours was making me breath harder so I took a deep breath and prayed the urge would pass. This was a moment to revel in your beauty.

I felt a lump build in my throat because the love I felt for you at that moment was building in my heart and I felt like my heart grew with every breath you took.

Deep in your world of slumber your hand reached out for mine and found it quickly. The minute that your hand touched my skin it was all over. A tear fell to the pillow.

You stirred again but this time no matter how much I held my breath you were waking. You opened your eyes slightly and when our eyes met, you smiled. I was already smiling and I felt such love between us that I had to kiss you in that exact moment.

I cupped your face ever so gently and kissed you passionately but ever so softly. Whispering softly… Good Morning baby, I love you.

This is how I want everyday for the rest of my life to start. Seeing your beautiful face laying next to me, kissing you softly, and telling you I love you.

 

Love always,

Your wife for life

I want a woman….

I hear a lot of woman talking about what they want a future significant other to do for them.

  • I want a woman who will shower me in flowers.
  • I want a woman who will take me out on the town.
  • I want a woman who will kiss me passionately.

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And every time I hear it, I think…Would you do that?

  • Would you shower them in flowers?
  • Would you take them out on the town?
  • Would you kiss them passionately?

 

Most of them probably would. But, wouldn’t it be better to focus on what you would do for them? I try to think of the things that I will do for my future girlfriend. Not what I want them to do for me. To me that is taking an active participation in the relationship, not sitting back and waiting for things to happen. I can’t control how someone is going to love me but I can control how I will love someone. I wouldn’t want them questioning if I love them or not and am going to do everything I can imagine to make sure they never do. Yes, I want to shower my girlfriend/wife in flowers. I want to take them out on the town for a romantic dinner and a walk on the beach. I want to kiss them passionately that they feel it in their toes. I want to walk up behind them and wrap my arms around them just to show them that I wanted to feel them close and to know I was thinking of them at that exact moment.

If I have these ideals of what I want them to do, I may be setting myself up for disappointment. People can’t read minds so how are they going to know that you want these things. You tell them? Doesn’t that then take away the spark of it. That is also writing a script for the relationship, what fun is there in that? There has to be spontaneity in a relationship. That is how you make those special moments that will last a lifetime. When you two are old and grey and rocking in your chairs on the porch, those are the moments that you will look back on remember fondly. Not the moments that you scripted out in your mind before they happened. 

Sure we all these little fantasies in our minds of how we want our wedding day to look. What we want the first kiss to be like. How we fall asleep next to the love of our life every night. I am not saying don’t think about these things. Just give equal time to what you are going to do for the love of your life. Plan out now what you will do for the love of your life before you meet them, not set up a round of hoops they have to jump through from the get go.

 

So, what is the one thing that you want to do for the love of your life? Be it you already have them or haven’t found them yet, what are you going to do for them to show them you love them?

Love Me Again – John Newman

I really love this guys voice. So powerful and soulful. Amazing!

I saw him advertised on YouTube and fell in love instantly.

He is from Britain which I love. I love most everything British and I have to say the singers that come from the UK are worlds above the stuff from the US. Just my opinion do not get butt hurt about this, I don’t want to hear it.

I mean, Jamie Cullum, Rumer, and Adele. Please we can’t compete. Our music industry wants to turn them into bubble gum artist and I’m sorry not everyone in the US is 14 years old.

Anyway, this John Newman. I hope you enjoy his music and buy his music if you do!