The lovely Arielle Scarcella!

Welcome to the world of Arielle!

She is so funny and really puts herself out there. Sometimes in a bra, but I like it. 😛 She does a lot of collaborations with other YouTubers, as in this one with Hart. She covers a lot of gay and lesbian issues in a very funny way, but definitely gets her point across.

Please show her some love and subscribe!

She also has her Girlfriends channel, http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLHH5WcsbW30H-kVtZfkDtQ, where she just covered gay marriage week. Talking to gay couples that are married or getting married. She just started where she centers on a new topic each week and puts out three videos for the week. So enough to feed my addiction. 😛

Hope you enjoy the video and have a great day! Much love to you all!!

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That’s Not Me…

ImageBeing out of work right now I have a lot of time to stare at the stuff in my house. One being my closet and I have come to realize that half the clothes aren’t me. They are these clothes that I have bought through the years that I thought I was supposed to be wearing as a mom and wife. Lot of girly stuff. And colorful. I hate colorful! And prints, what the hell is that stuff. It just isn’t me. A few weeks back I went to the local thrift store to see if I could find my style, prices fit my budget there. Being that I live by myself for the first time in my life I have been searching for the past six years for who I am. Who is the real me? Besides being a mom and grandma, who am I? What do I like? I mean, what do I really like? Without other people in the equation and opinions of others to cloud my choices, what do I like?

So I decided to start with clothing, besides figuring out that I am a lesbian. I have always loved men’s clothing because it is so comfy, but there was always more to it and now I know what that is. I am not a girly girl. Yeah every once in a while I will do the hair and make up and wear a push bra (torture devices), but really, give me jeans, a shirt like the one below and my sneakers and I am one happy girl. I love this shirt….ImageI love retro/60’s/mod shirts. I don’t know what they are technically called. At the thrift store I found a couple of shirts that were really similar to this and snatched them up so quick and they were half off the already crazy low price that day, so I was super jazzed. I even found a couple of sweaters and button up plaid shirts. Plaid good, prints bad. Especially prints that include flowers. Yuck!! As for pants, jeans, sweats, regular run of the mill pants. Nothing special just so they are comfy. Shoes….these…..

ImageI have these exact shoes, but they have a hint of pink on them. I love them! Or some sort of slip on clog thing. I own tons of them. Easy to slip on and run to 7-11 real quick. And being out of work right now, slippers. A lot of slippers. 🙂

To get dressed up, those shoes will still be involved and a pair of black pants and a mans dress shirt with a tie. That is awesome to me. And this fantastic black double breasted wool pea coat that I have, oh how I love that coat. That to me looks good and when I am wearing it I feel amazing. Like this confidence washes over me and I walk with my head held high. I never felt like clothing defined me or had an effect on me, but since I am dressing the way I want to dress, it’s this amazing feeling. The only way to explain it is confidence. Like I am some peacock strutting my feathers for the first time in my life. Yeah, I am a woman and I love wearing men’s clothing. Doesn’t make me a guy, I am 100% a woman and I don’t want to change it. I just know that I like the way I look now and how happy it makes me to finally be wearing what I want to wear and not what I am supposed to be wearing.

The clothes are new….the inner me is new. But, really all of it is old. Because it’s always been with me I just wasn’t listening to me.

Brain just shut down so must be time to wrap this up.

Hope everyone had a great day! Much love to you all. 🙂

 

 

 

The one and only Michael Bublé.

The first time I saw Michael Bublé I was watching The Today Show, quite a few years back. He was on the show for Valentine’s Day and I instantly fell in love. He has an amazing voice that is so soulful and yet very playful. I have since bought every one of his cd’s, well more like downloads, and have never been disappointed. There isn’t one song that I have disliked.

I picked this song well because I haven’t met her yet, but when I do I will definitely give more than I get.

I am pretty sure a lot of you have heard of him but I wanted to give him a shout out just in case someone out there hasn’t heard of him yet. He is definitely one singer that should be in every ones collection, at least in my opinion he should be.

I hope you enjoy the video and download some of his music. I am sure you will find something of his that you will enjoy, if not all of it.

Have a wonderful day! Much love to you all. 🙂

Here’s the one and only Effi!

This one is out of the UK again.

She is absolutely hilarious and have to say totally adorable! Not only is she a vlogger but she is also blogger as well. I am constantly laughing during her videos and blogs. She likes to drink…..often. But, it is so funny.

I hope you enjoy this video and if you do please make sure you subscribe. Also give her blog a follow http://itsfemmeface.com/ you definitely won’t regret it.

Hope everyone in the US isn’t too full from yesterday and you weathered the craziness out there shopping if you chose to go out near a shopping center today. Which I did not. I went 7-11 this morning but that was it.

Later I am going Christmas tree shopping with Bona and the grandbaby. Will be her first time going tree shopping. I can’t wait. She will be adorable as always!

Thankfully no gay comments yesterday but found my mom with my iPad looking through the apps and I freaked the hell out, GIVE IT BACK NOW. Thankfully didn’t open my Word Press app or the tumblr., either one would have been really bad. 🙂

Have a great day and love to you all.

Julia

Holidays are here…

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It’s the holidays and that being said tomorrow here in the US it’s Thanksgiving.

I love Thanksgiving. It really is a day about getting together with family and having a big ole feast. I usually start the day by calling my daughters and asking them why they are thankful this year. This was a tradition we started when they were both living at home. On our way to my moms or sisters house we would talk about what we are thankful for this year. So now that they don’t live at home I call them to continue the tradition.

Today I woke up and started thinking about what I am thankful for this year. I am thankful that I am finally me. I am my true self. Then it hit me.

Tomorrow I have to go back in the closet.

My girls know I’m a lesbian and completely support me. My mom, not so much. She is the woman that makes the comment constantly “I support people being gay, I just don’t want to see it.” It makes me cringe every time and I hear it often. There will be a moment tomorrow where she will make some sort of anti-gay comment and I will sit there and feel my insides being ripped out. Oh happy day! I’m used to it. Not that I am pleased by it, but I am used to it. I usually discount a lot of things she says because she is from a different time. That’s her life and the ideals of the times she grew up in. Though knowing my grandma she would probably slap her for it if she was still alive. I love my grandma!

I am not out to my parents, obviously, and it will probably be some time before I do come out to them, if ever. I don’t think my dad would say much. He usually doesn’t say a lot just rustles the newspaper he’s reading. My mom on the other hand will call every family member that she can and tell them I’m a lesbian. And not in a proud way. To put it bluntly, she will talk shit behind my back. How do I know that she will do that….because she has done it in the past. And she will lie to make herself sound more like an amazing person and me the piece of shit. Like when I decided to move out of their house at the age of 20. I said the weekend I was going to be moving out they would be out of town and I asked would you like me to wait a week that way you are home. And you can see your daughter off to live 5 miles away. For my girls I would want to be home. She said, no, go ahead, not a problem. Thought for years it wasn’t an issue. Then my sister in law and I were sitting and chatting and she brings it up. Supposedly my mom had called everyone and said that I didn’t tell them I was moving out and they came home to me being gone. WTF? This is my mom.

So if I was to come out to my mom, I am sure I will get bashed in some way and the family will think that I have lost my mind, or going through a phase like she tells everyone that is gay. Instead of thinking good for her I will be labeled the bad guy and there you have it.

My parents are the people that I will not be coming out to. I discussed it with Bona and she said, only come out to them when it’s necessary. Meaning once I find someone and mom invites me over for dinner and I want to bring my girlfriend then it’s time to come out. Or mom drops by my house and there is my girlfriend on the couch half-naked and looking amazing – okay that was a total fantasy, but it could happen. But there will be a situation that will come up, being that my parents live less than 10 miles from me, that I will have to let them know. But, right now – it’s not worth it. I don’t want to hear the bull shit. I don’t want to hear the judgement and the rumors that will make it back to me that my mother has spread.

So tomorrow I will take my ass back into the closet and sit quietly while I eat my amazing turkey dinner. Go home with some leftover turkey….ie come back out of the closet and enjoy a nice turkey sandwich being a lesbian. It will be the best damn turkey sandwich I have ever had. 🙂 Because all in all I am thankful that I know me now and I am proud to be a lesbian.

Here’s a couple of questions for you:

Do you have someone in your life that it just isn’t worth it to come out to?

And on a happier note, what are you thankful for even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow?

To my fellow Americans “Happy Thanksgiving and may it be one that is blessed with many laughs and smiles”

 

To My Future Wife…

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Good Morning Sweetheart,

 

I rolled over this morning to see your beautiful face laying on the pillow next to me. The morning sun was starting to shine on your beautiful face. You stirred slightly and I held my breath hoping you wouldn’t wake. I just wanted to lay there a little longer and see the sweet calm on your face and to see the beauty that I see there.

I desperately wanted to reach out and touch your soft, warm cheek but I knew that would end the moment of watching you sleep. How that skin begs me to touch it. To feel my lips on yours was making me breath harder so I took a deep breath and prayed the urge would pass. This was a moment to revel in your beauty.

I felt a lump build in my throat because the love I felt for you at that moment was building in my heart and I felt like my heart grew with every breath you took.

Deep in your world of slumber your hand reached out for mine and found it quickly. The minute that your hand touched my skin it was all over. A tear fell to the pillow.

You stirred again but this time no matter how much I held my breath you were waking. You opened your eyes slightly and when our eyes met, you smiled. I was already smiling and I felt such love between us that I had to kiss you in that exact moment.

I cupped your face ever so gently and kissed you passionately but ever so softly. Whispering softly… Good Morning baby, I love you.

This is how I want everyday for the rest of my life to start. Seeing your beautiful face laying next to me, kissing you softly, and telling you I love you.

 

Love always,

Your wife for life

Introducing Rose and Rosie!

It is really hard for me to chose just one to share every Friday. There are so many I want to share with everyone. So I decided to jump to the other side of the pond and pick one that is from the UK, because you all must know how much I love everything British.

Even then it was hard to chose because I have a couple of them I like but I had to go with Rose and Rosie. They are just so funny, the banter that they have back and forth is hilarious.

I do hope you like them and subscribe to them. They are well worth watching and will definitely give you a laugh.

Enjoy your weekend. 🙂

Freedom

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There was a lot of emotions and feelings one would expect when you are realizing you are gay. Confusion, scared, sad, and maybe even shame. But, one feeling that I am experiencing now was one I didn’t expect at all and that is free.

I can’t believe how free I feel. Like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I mean yeah I can see where that feeling could come into play, but I didn’t give it much thought before.

All those thoughts and feelings that I had throughout my life they make sense now.

All those times I stared at that girl way too long, makes sense.

All those times I felt very uncomfortable in the locker room because I was trying to avoid looking at all the girls and being caught, makes sense.

All those times I had crushes on girls, makes sense.

All those times I was with a guy and felt like all I wanted was to be more of a friend to them than anything, makes sense.

When everything makes sense there is a freedom that comes with it. You can release all those thoughts in your head of “you shouldn’t be doing this”. Don’t look at her like that, it’s wrong. Don’t tell that girl she has an amazing ass, it’s wrong. Don’t imagine kissing every inch of her body till she screams your name, it’s wrong.

But, realizing you are gay makes all those things NOT WRONG! So now I get to be me. I get to look at that woman in the grocery store and think “damn, nice ass!” I’m not going to go say it to her, I have some chivalry in me. But, I am going to let myself think it and not tell myself anymore that it’s wrong.

It’s not wrong because I am gay and sorry that’s the way my brain thinks. That’s what every inch of my skin feels when I see a woman that sends a spark through my body. I can’t help it and from now on I refuse to.