Marriage

I have always been one of those people that when asked will I ever get married I said NO! Though I was married for almost 20 years, before that I said no. After that I said NO! It was even a bigger no then. It never appealed to me. It was never in the picture of how my life would go.

The other day my daughter, Bona, and I were out to lunch and she asked me…Would you ever get married? And it popped out. Yes! Would love to actually. Image

I think it’s because now I can see walking down the aisle to the person that I always felt it should be. Not that I consciously thought or felt it should be a woman. But, it was like my heart knew that it should be. It’s almost like my mind is catching up with the rest of my heart and body. Like it was ingrained in to who I am, but I didn’t even know it. Does that makes sense? 

Now I have this fantasy playing in my head of what it will look like. Beautiful setting outside in the woods. Warm but a light breeze. White flowers everywhere. Me and my future wife standing there in all white…not sure about the dress part, was never a fan! Professing our love to each other. The world has disappeared and it is just us.

 

And then have a barbecue. Because I don’t want anything formal when it comes to the reception.

Anyways….I have never had these ideals of what my wedding would look like, till now! All the other little girls were dreaming about their wedding day and really it never entered my mind. I didn’t have a big wedding with C. It was in Vegas, it was special, but not like I imagine it now. I want it all now.

It still so strange to me. It’s like someone has come up to me and introduced me to me.

“Hi, I would like you to meet someone. You, she’s gay!”

“Really, I had no idea.”

Have to love those conversations in my head!

So, yes I can definitely see getting married and having kind of a big wedding with all the bells and whistles.

Just know….that’s going to be a while. I totally believe in dating someone for at least a year before that even enters the conversation. I want to know that it is for real and can stand the test of time before I say “I do.”.

But, is it too soon to start a Pintrest Board for it?

Yes!

Damn!

*****

So when you realized and accepted that you were gay or straight, whatever works for you, did it change any of your original plans for your life? Or your ideals about yourself?

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2 thoughts on “Marriage

  1. Nice 🙂 I have the same thoughts after my break up. Now i actually do want all the things she did, I just didn’t want it with her or in the way that she did.

    • First off, thank you for reading. 🙂 Greatly appreciated!
      No matter how much our brains tell us what we want, our heart knows the truth. Sounds corny I know but it’s kind of true.
      I think we will both find that one that our heart will know it’s the one and everything will happen as it was supposed to.

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